“The Habs” – Episode Four (Hallowe’en)

by Mike, AllHabs.net

The scene opens to show an empty Habs’ dressing room. Nobody is in the shot but the sounds of shuffling and fussing can be heard off-shot. The camera pans to the left to reveal Hal Gill feverishly working on something. You can’t see what it is, but after a few seconds he finishes his project and turns to face the camera.

Hal Gill: Not bad eh? I am for sure winning the costume contest this year…

He puts his hands on his hips and stands up straight to show off his costume.

He is wearing dress pants and a button down shirt, stapled to the front of his shirt is an oversized Teddy Bear. Draped around his neck is an extremely elaborate 80s Glam Rock Guitar. His face is painted Black and his hair is cut short and slicked back.

Hal Gill: What…you don’t get who I am? The Bear? The Guitar? The face and clothes?

He frowns.

Hal Gill: I’m Bear-Rock Obama!!

An audible sigh can be heard from the cameraman.

Hall Gill: I am for sure winning that gift certificate from La Belle Province.

*Cuts to opening credits*

The scene opens to show a banquet hall in a fine hotel located in downtown Montreal. Spooky techno music is playing and Halloween decorations litter the entire room. We come to realize that this is the setting of the Habs annual Halloween party. Costumed Canadiens can be seen throughout the room, but they are all masked.

Hal Gill: What do you mean this is a masquerade party??!

Guy from 300 with a helmet on: It’s a masquerade party dude…how did you not know that I told you yesterday…

Hal Gill: Well…wait…who are you?

Guy from 300 with a helmet on: I can’t tell you it’s a masquerade party.

Hal Gill: Well….I know it’s you Roman…

Guy from 300 with a helmet on: I’m not Roman.

Hal Gill: Well…I guess Roman doesn’t have those sweet abs.

Guy from 300 with a helmet on: I’m out of here.

Hal Gill: Fine! Avoid confrontation like you always do…um…Benoit!!

Ghost: He’s not Benoit, I am!

Hal Gill: Ha!

Benoit Pouliot: Awwwwwww. Aw. Aw. Awwwwwww.

*Cuts to talking head*

Benoit Pouliot: I really thought I would have everyone fooled with the Ghost costume…I mean who would think that Benoit Pouliot would be a Ghost!?

The camera pans over to a group of players talking.

Superman: So then I said to the zookeeper if my hand can fit through the bars I’m going to try and feed the animals.

Giant Corn on the Cob: Then what happened?

Superman: Then the Lion jumped at my outstretched hand and I passed out. I woke up later on the ground covered in my own pee and poop.

Jaroslav Halak: Dude….gross…

Superman: Wasn’t that bad…I feel that’s how Leafs players live their lives.

Giant Corn on the Cob: Well I guess the millions of dollars would help with the fact that you permanently live in feces.

Ninja: ehhhnnnn…

Eric Staal: 50/50 for me.

Darth Vader: Me too ^cooookheeeeee^

*Cuts to a talking head*

Darth Vader: Luke, I am your third to fourth liner with a one way contract…. ^khhhoooooookkhheeeee^

*Cuts back to scene*

Ernie: I told you not to forget the Ducky…but what do you do? FORGET THE DUCKY!!!

Burt: It’s no big deal…nobody is going to notice…

Ernie: Nobody is going to—it makes the costume!

Burt: I think you’re overreacting…

Ernie: You’re UNDERREACTING!

Burt: Trust me we look great, we’re totally going to blow everyone away with the costumes…nobody is going to notice that you don’t have the ducky.

Scooby Doo: Nice costumes guys…would be cool if you had a ducky though…

Ernie: BOOOHOOHOOHOOOHOOHOOO!!

*He runs off*

Burt: Nice going Scooby, no Scooby snacks for you…and for Scooby snacks I mean Open Bar.

*He walks away*

Scooby Doo: I don’t care…I brought a flask anyways.

*Cuts to talking head*

Scooby Doo: Flasks are awesome. I love drinking from flasks…I put my morning orange juice in it I drink Nyquil from it…it’s pretty much the best vessel for liquid ever.

*He takes a sip*

Scooby Doo: The problem is…everyone thinks I’m an alcoholic. Reheheheheheee!!!

*Cuts back to scene*

Turtle from Finding Nemo: Duuuude.

Giant Corn on the Cob: We get it…you’re the Turtle from Finding Nemo.

Turtle from Finding Nemo: Give me some shell dude!

Justin Bieber: Hells yeah!

*they slap five*

Justin Bieber: Awwwww yeah!

Turtle from Finding Nemo: Duuuuude!

Justin Bieber: Duuuude!

Turtle from Finding Nemo: Duuuuuuude!!!!

Justin Bieber: Duuuuuuude!

Superman: SHUT UP!

Turtle from Finding Nemo: Dude…

*Cuts to talking head*

Superman: I think it’s pretty obvious who I am underneath the mask…why would you even ask?

*Cuts back to scene*

The Count: How many times do I have to tell you, stop double double dipping!

Maurice Richard: Well…with that time…it makes two.

The Count: ONE….TWO….

Maurice Richard: Yeah…two…

The Count: Stop ruining my bit…

Maurice Richard: I didn’t know you were doing a bit…

The Count: Come on!… I’ll try it on Burt and Ernie.

Maurice Richard: Did you guys plan that?

The Count: No. It’s a coincidence.

Maurice Richard: Big coincidence…

The Count: Also a coincidence that you’ll be watching the next game from the press box?

Maurice Richard: AHAHAHAHAHA TWO TIMES!

The Count: That’s better.

*The camera pans to another section of players*

Eric Staal: I barely used any make-up…I look exactly like him.

Ninja: You mean that’s not a mask?

Eric Staal: No.

Ninja: If I was you I would kill the real one and pretend you’re him….huge money.

Eric Staal: I’d never get away with that.

*Cuts to talking head*

Eric Staal: ….could I get away with it?

*Cuts back to scene*

Sergei Kostitsyn: Hey Syuperman, Like costume?

Superman: I know it’s you Andrei…

Sergei Kostitsyn: Andrei my brother, I sergei, I play for Nyashville…see?

*He shows off his Predators jersey*

Superman: All you’re doing is wearing a Jersey, I can see your face.

Sergei Kostitsyn: All you doing is wear blue tights and cape, I know it you Syuperman!

*cuts to talking head*

Sergei Kostitsyn: Styupid Syuperman.

*Cuts back to scene*

Superman: I have too many insults in my head right now…I need to sit down.

*Cuts to talking head*

The Count: Overall I think the masquerade party went really well. We had some great costumes, the DJ was good…and nobody got arrested.

*Cuts back to scene*

Scooby Doo can be seen running into the party room followed by 5 cops.

Policeman: SIR, COME BACK HERE! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK IN PUBLIC!

Scooby Doo: I wasn’t…It’s Fresca…..IT’S FRESCAAAAAAA!!!!

They run out of a door at the far side of the room.

*Cuts to talking head*

The Count: That damn flask…..

*End credits roll!*

Can you guess who was behind each costume!?

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3 Enlightened Replies

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  1. Ninja = Lapierre?
    Eric Staal = Eller
    SK = AK
    Guy from 300 with helmet on = Gorges?
    Superman = Subban?
    Giant corn on the cob = Moen
    Turtle from finding Nemo = Plekanec?
    The Count = Jacques Martin
    Darth Vader = Darche
    Justin Bieber = Boyd?
    Scooby Doo = O’Byrne?
    Jaroslav Halak = Price?
    Maurice Richard = Cammalleri?
    Ernie = Gomez?
    Burt = Gionta?

    You have no idea how not confident i am with most of my responses ;P

  2. Habs Laughs says:

    Answers:

    Ninja = Markov
    Eric Staal = Eller
    SK = AK
    Guy from 300 with helmet on = Gorges
    Superman = Cammalleri
    Giant corn on the cob = Moen
    Turtle from finding Nemo = Plekanec
    The Count = Jacques Martin
    Darth Vader = Darche
    Justin Bieber = Boyd
    Scooby Doo = Subban
    Jaroslav Halak = Price
    Maurice Richard = Lapierre
    Ernie = Gomez
    Burt = Gionta

  3. angela morales says:

    i sooo thought scooby doo was carey, cause of that other story you wrote where he would put different clear liquids in his water bottle, so with scooby putting different liquids in his flask..

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