Rumour Blogging for Dummies

Written by Habsterix, AllHabs.net

Ever feel like everyone around you has NHL scoops? Get the feeling that you’re the only one without sources about rumours? Feeling unpopular and bullied? Do you like role play? Feel the need to be popular and appreciated? It’s easy. Become a Rumour Blogger!

PENTICTON, BC. — Rumour blogging is becoming more and more popular, as shown by the number of them coming out of the woodworks in the past couple of years. Move over Eklund, you have company, as more regular Joe’s want to take advantage of people’s naïve nature to make themselves look important!

But how does someone become a Rumour Blogger? I’ve created an easy to follow, step by step guide to help you do just that. Try it, it’s really simple!

  • Create a username. Don’t use your real name and ensure no one finds out, at all cost;
  • Get a Twitter account. A web site to post on is preferable, especially if you can edit at a later date, but optional;
  • Find at least one big, gullible and desperate fan base and focus on them mostly, especially when you’re in dire need of attention;
  • Proper spelling is preferred, but not crucial as people are so desperate for juicy rumours, that they will overlook the fact that GM’s, scouts or other personnel would want their message written by an illiterate;
  • Don’t give too much information. You could get caught in a lie;
  • Be vague, yet leave some meat on the bone;
  • Tell your followers not to believe everything that’s out there, but insist that they should trust YOU as you’re not like others;
  • Once in a while, make something up to be the first to come out with that rumour, so that people don’t think you’re stealing from others. You’ll be surprised to see how many others will say they’ve heard the same thing;
  • Come up with a rumour quoting one source, and then contradict that rumour a few days later saying you got information from another source. You can’t lose that way;
  • Often mention that you can’t divulge your source not to burn them or compromise their job;
  • Agree with some other rumours, other times say that you haven’t heard that;
  • Pretend to have appointments with your sources, meeting, phone calls. This will bring credibility to the untrained eye;
  • Often use the line that most rumours don’t result in trades. People can defeat that no matter how hard they try;
  • Make sure to use the canned answers: “Cap space can be cleared” and “don’t shoot the messenger”. It’s an easy cope out of difficult situations when confronted;
  • If they catch you in a lie, ask them why they’re following you if they don’t want to believe;
  • Tweet something immediately after a traditional media or another insider. If someone challenges you, pretend you didn’t see it or that you have the same info, so it must be true;
  • Re-tweet everyone who agrees with you. While it may not add to your credibility, showing the world that some are gullible to believe you will make you feel better;
  • Make sure to piggy back what others are reporting, especially if it’s more than one. You wouldn’t want to be left out if it were to materialize;
  • Always claim to have a source better than your other ones. This will bring more attention to yourself when you feel the time is right, like at the trade deadline or at the amateur draft;
  • When a trade actually happens, pretend to have predicted it. People are lazy and won’t go check, some will concur;
  • And remember that the more crap you throw on the wall, some will eventually stick!

While I’ve created this guide in good humour, don’t think for one second that it isn’t true. GM’s and team officials don’t reveal information to that many people. Very few are legitimate and all claim to be the ones to be trusted.

In conclusion, I highly suggest you read The story of Dallas Dave, a Rumour Blogger who, after reaching some success, decided to come clean. Great story!

En français: Rumeurs de Blog pour les Nuls

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About the Author

Profile photo of J.D. Lagrange
J.D. is a Senior writer for All Habs as well as Associate-Editor for the French version Le Magazine All Habs, while one of three Administrators of the fan forum Les Fantômes du Forum. He has created the handle Habsterix as a fictional character for the sole purpose of the internet. It is based on the cartoon Asterix of Gaule and his magic potion is his passion for the Montreal Canadiens. How old is he? His close friends will tell you that he’s so old, his back goes out more than he does! He was born when Béliveau lifted the Cup and remembers the days when seeing the Habs winning was not a wish, it was an expectation. For him, writing is a hobby, not a profession. Having moved to beautiful British Columbia in 1992 from his home town of Sherbrooke, Quebec, he started writing mostly in French to keep up his grammar, until non-bilingual BC friends pushed him into starting his own English Blog. His wife will say that he can be stubborn, but she will be the first to recognise that he has great sense of humour. He is always happy to share with you readers his point of views on different topics, and while it is expected that people won’t always agree, respect of opinions and of others is his mission statement. || J.D. est Rédacteur-Adjoint sur Le Magazine All Habs et il est un Rédacteur Principal sur le site anglophone All Habs, tout en étant un des trois Administrateurs du forum de discussion Les Fantômes du Forum. Il a créé le pseudonyme Habstérix comme caractère fictif pour l’internet. Celui-ci est basé sur Astérix de Gaule et sa potion magique est sa passion pour les Canadiens de Montréal. Lorsqu’il est né, Jean Béliveau soulevait la Coupe Stanley et il se rappelle des jours où gagner n’était pas un espoir, mais une attente. Pour lui, écrire est un passe-temps, pas une profession. Ayant déménagé dans la superbe Colombie-Britannique en 1992 en provenance de sa ville natale de Sherbrooke, Québec, il a commencé à écrire en français pour garder sa grammaire, jusqu’à ce que ses amis anglophones ne réussissent à le convaincre d’avoir son blog en anglais. Son épouse vous dira qu’il est têtu, mais elle sera la première à reconnaître son grand sens de l’humour. Il est toujours fier de partager avec vous, lecteurs et lectrices, ses points de vue sur différents sujets, et quoi que les gens ne s’entendent pas toujours sur ceux-ci, le respect des opinions et des autres est son énoncé de mission.
  • Chantal

    This is awesome, and so very true.

  • http://allhabs.net/members/stevenellis/ Steven Ellis

    Haha this was awesome! Great for a laugh!

  • http://allhabs.net/members/lagrange/ J.D. Lagrange

    Thanks. Had fun doing it and gathering evidence. It’s in good humour, yet very realistic. I got some great comments on it on Twitter, even from Rumour Bloggers. :)

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